It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
