If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
