There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize