who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
