Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
