Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
