I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
