i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
