My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
