We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
