Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
