Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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