even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
