I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
