Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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