Tell her she can't have a vagina
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
