Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I accidentally burped into my bong.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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