is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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