bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
