You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My liver just had a heart attack.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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