Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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