it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
