She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
