We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
