It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
