I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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