Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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