go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
