Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
