tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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