if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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