I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
