That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
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