I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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