The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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