All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
