have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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