so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
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the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
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I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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