whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
