i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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