Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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