So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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