This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
