I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
