You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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