A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
