We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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