rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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