should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
