I have demons in me.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
