you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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