You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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