i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
