i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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