I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
