I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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