he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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