I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
