It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
There are leaves in my underwear?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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