she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
