good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
