I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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