I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
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Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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