yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
fuck your aforementioned shoe
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Randomize
