In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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