You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
