i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
