He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
